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Memories
Grandma Becky
 
I do not know where to start.  I had no plan for this as I am sure Crystal and Matt did not either.  Now...I believe that little Matt will be will be watching over us.  My memories are more special than I can ever put in words.  With Crystal moving to San Diego I was lucky enough to go to her appointments with her to the birthing center and to the OB after the problems started.  I am lucky enough that I got to see most of her ultra sounds and got to know not only baby but my daughter and I got to get so much closer that we have in a long time. The midwives at the birthing center are awesome. 
I was lucky enough to be with her during her labor and support her with massages and kisses. I kept thinking that if I played with her hair like she loves so much that I could make her pain go away. She is such a strong woman and I do not know where she draws her strength from. I think I would have opted for the “wake me up when it is over option” I admire her so much.
Baby Matty (still surprised he was a he:-) was part of our daily conversations.  Matt (big) was one of the most excited new Daddies I have ever seen.  I know in his heart and head he could not understand why this was happening to them. None of us could. 
I never thought in a million years we would have to go through what we went through last week. I don’t know what broke my heart more, seeing my daughter almost die before my eyes or seeing her heart break in a million pieces.
When she delivered Matthew I never planned on being right there when it happened because I never knew how I would deal with that.  I am so blessed that I was there and saw him delivered and saw him moving around when he came out. Crystals nurse Elise was an angel.  The tears in our eyes as we looked at each other and she said he is alive and he is a boy broke my heart.  He was so perfect in every way just a tiny little super baby who touched all of our hearts in a way that we never knew possible. He was our tiny little baby who blessed us with his presence for a few short hours of life outside the womb, in months total and for a lifetime for all those who he has touched. He did have all the features of his Daddy down to his strong facial features and big feet and finger toes!
My family has been so blessed to have had Baby Matt, even if for such a short time. I still struggle with why something like this happens and I have to think and try and believe in my heart that there has to be SOME reason…somewhere…somehow…it should make sense.
I still want to give Crystal and Matt kisses and make it all better, but that is the Mommy in me……so how they must feel as parents is beyond what I can imagine.
Part of me wants to thank God for bringing his to us and part of me wants to be mad at God for putting my kids through this. It is a love hate thing….love that we had Baby Matt if even for such a short time…but hate that it hurts us so much.
Total Memories: 1
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